


Farewell to One's Beloved

by Neroavan



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Shiratorizawa, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-08 14:07:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10388382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neroavan/pseuds/Neroavan
Summary: He just can't say it to him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This work is unbetaed.

"Hey, are you still alive?" Semi asks his former captain. Ushijima Wakatoshi is seriously the epitome of depression. Semi wishes that he could help his friend, but no, the other would always refuse it.

"'M still alive," Ushijima replies in a hoarse and raspy voice. "How's he?"

"Still there. I've come to get you and drag you with me once more. It's your turn again."

Ushijima nods and wipes away the tears that were threatening to fall once more.

* * *

"Wakatoshi, have you ever thought further about the future?" Tendou asked out of the blue while cuddling after a particularly intense night.

"No. Not really. Why?" Ushijima asked.

"Nothing," Tendou replied.

* * *

 "Satori, how are you?" Ushijima asked, as he walked through the illuminated night streets of Tokyo with his hand holding Tendou's. 

"'M feeling reaaally great, Wakatoshi! Come think of it, we've been dating for five years and we're still going strong! I can't exactly describe what I'm feeling right now with words," Tendou chattered away, his grin never leaving his face.

"Me too. I'm really happy," Ushijima said. 

"Oh come closer, big guy," Tendou said, clutching at his lover's cheeks as the other tried to say "You're big too."

Tendou closed the distance between their lips. Ushijima could say he was on cloud nine during that moment. After all, he had everything he wanted. When he was a sophomore in college, he contributed a lot to the U21 national team and won the world championship. He still had Tendou by his side, their love never dying down. Sure, they had their fair share of fights, but each fight only made them closer when resolved. He graduated from college, and still Tendou was his. Ushijima thought that he couldn't ask for more.

"Hey Wakatoshi, bedroom?"

"Mm."

* * *

Ushijima could once again quote Tendou and say 'he was on fire'. He thrusted relentlessly into Tendou, who became a moaning mess. Ushijima could feel his lover's nails scratching his back and drawing blood, but he still continued.

"W-Wakatoshi..." Tendou moaned, trying to lift his head up to kiss his boyfriend, but his energy was drained by handling the pace Ushijima set.

Good thing for him though, Ushijima did what Tendou intended to. He kissed Tendou passionately, roughly even.

Tendou had an iron grip on the back of Ushijima's head, not intending on letting him free. Tendou sucked on his tongue and fought Ushijima for dominance. Ushijima thrusted a little harder, making Tendou clench tightly around him.

"Satori," he gasped as they parted, a trail of saliva between them.

Ushijima's pace became more irregular, Tendou started being unable to form comprehensible words. The redhead reached his climax earlier than his lover, ejaculating with a  _scream_ that he wasn't able to contain when Ushijima thrusted even harder and faster. Ushijima was proud of that, and released his load inside Tendou.

"Fuck, I can't believe you actually made me scream..." Tendou panted, eyes drooping due to tiredness.

"Told you I can make you scream," Ushijima whispered as he crashed down next to his lover, having no more strength left.

"Yeah, you just proved it... Good," Tendou yawned before continuing, "night."

Ushijima nodded, and fell asleep. 

* * *

Ushijima was nervous.  _Nervous_.

He wanted everything to go well, to be a success. That day, Tendou was going to visit him once more in Tokyo, coming all the from Miyagi. Ushijima didn't reallly understand if he was happy, excited, nervous or what. 

 He, Ushijima Wakatoshi, the former unflappable ace of Shiratorizawa and his university, was  _nervous_.

" _Hey Wakatoshi? Are you okay?_ " Reon's voice came out of the speaker of Ushijima's phone. He could trust Reon to help him calm down.

"No. Not really."

" _Why - oh wait, today's the day?"_

"Yeah."

" _So you're nervous?_ " the voice then was definitely not Reon's.

"Semi, what are you doing?"

" _Look, why're you so nervous when you know that my best friend's basically head over heels in love with you? Have more faith in yourself. Were you really our ace?_ "

 "I..."

" _Just go there and say it to Satori. Just go._ "

"Thank you, Semi."

" _Sorry 'bout that Wakatoshi. Eita's ears are just sensitive when it's about his best friend. Well, I wish you the best of luck_ ," Reon said, back on the phone.

"Thank you."

Ushijima took a deep breath, and headed to where he told Tendou to wait after arriving.

* * *

"Tendou Satori, will you marry me?" Ushijima asked, on one knee and the ring box open to show a diamond ring inside. He thought Tendou would burst from happiness based on his expression.

"Of course of course of course Wakatoshi!!! I'll marry you!" he exclaimed, with tears of joy cascading down his face like twin waterfalls. Ushijima slipped the ring on Tendou's finger with a smile, cheeks red.

Tendou grabbed his lover's face and smooched him, right out there in public. Ushijima thought that he was going to end up without lips.

* * *

 " _Wakatoshi, I'm on my way to Tokyo now. I swear the next time I go there I'll definitely be moving in with ya, just you wait!_ " Tendou said over the phone, the background noise nearly drowning his voice. He was just getting on the bus from Miyagi to Tokyo.

Tendou told Ushijima that he would move in with him after he had found a decent job in Tokyo. Ushijima had his salary as a professional volleyball player to survive, it being even more than he need. He was sure he had told Tendou about a thousand times he could just move in with him already. Ushijima could really support them both, but Tendou didn't want to be a burden to him.

"Please don't take too long in finding a job. And, take care on your journey," Ushijima said.

" _Yeah, you bet I will_ ," Tendou said, with the roar of the engine making his voice sound softer. " _The bus'll leave in fifteen minutes. See ya soon, Wakatoshi!_ "

"Yes, see you Satori."

Ushijima looked at his watch.  _7:30 am_.

"Only two hours before Satori arrives."

* * *

 "WAKATOSHI! WAKATOSHI! ARE YOU THERE?!" Semi's voice rang through the hall outside Ushijima's apartment, with him hearing the former setter even before he could open his door. When he did, Semi, along with Reon, was about to pound on his door.

Ushijima was baffled. "What's wrong?"

"It was just on the news," Shirabu huffed as he caught up with the others. They were all too out of breath to speak. Ushijima noticed something; Semi had difficulty in trying to get his words out.

"Th-The bus from Miyagi to Tokyo that left at 7:45 am crashed," Shirabu said, looking like he was about to cry.

7:45

A bus from Miyagi to Tokyo.

 _Satori_.

"I-It's not real, right?" Ushijima stuttered, the first time in years. "It's a different bus... right?"

Reon looked apologetic. "Wakatoshi, they announced the victims of the crash. Some are dead, some-"

"SATORI IS NOT DEAD!" Ushijima suddenly raised his voice, losing his composure.

"Satori's not dead, Wakatoshi. He survived, but he's critically injured," Semi explained.

Ushijima thought he had a ray of hope shining of him. He asked his former teammates on which hospital was it, then they all bolted like their lives were on the line.

He didn't want to lose Tendou, never in his life.

* * *

 Ushijima had discovered one new thing to add to his scarce list of hated things: the beeping of the heart rate's monitor. 

His hands were clutching Tendou's tightly, afraid that the moment he let go, he would be letting him go completely. Tendou meant so much to him. 

"U-Ushijima-san," Shirabu called him softly. "The doctors say that it'll be a miracle that Tendou-san wakes up."

The former captain slammed his fist against the wall so hard that it shocked his junior.

"Satori will wake up, Shirabu," he said, trying to keep a strong front, but his voice cracked.

* * *

All of them decided to take turns in watching over Tendou, so in the case the redhead woke up from his coma, he wouldn't be alone. Ushijima's turn had finished and he had volleyball practice the next morning so Semi took over. Though, it took him a lot of convincing to be able to make the man leave his lover.

"I'll watch over him properly, and I'll call you the second he wakes up, even if you're in practice," Semi told him. 

Ushijima left the hospital with a heavy heart. And the next day, he was sent home early due to lack of concentration.

* * *

"Wakatoshi, you really sure you're alright- wait, no, scratch that. You obviously aren't," Semi tries to break the awkward silence between the two of them. "You know that you can talk to me or Reon, right? Even Shirabu's offering. We're here for you, okay?"

Ushijima just nods. 

Semi sighs beside him, and focuses on their path.

"Satori will make it, I'm sure of that Wakatoshi. Don't doubt him."

"I never did. It's just... I don't know what to do anymore. He was just supposed to come over for two weeks, then go back to Miyagi, then come back when he has found a job here and move in with me," Ushijima's deep voice is still hoarse and raspy from an earlier emotional outburst. Tendou had been in a coma for two weeks already.

"Sorry."

They reach the hospital after several minutes. Semi is staying with Ushijima to watch over Tendou during his night shift, as he has nothing to do the next day. 

"Satori's my best friend; Watching over him is the least I can do right now," he commented earlier.

Ushijima is at least grateful for having great friends to back him up during times of need.

* * *

Both of them had fallen asleep at some point, but they both wake up to a sound they never wanted to hear.

Ushijima scrambles to reach the phone and call for the nurse, panic evident in his voice. Semi is muttering about how slow the nurses, and how Tendou needs their help at that very moment.

Ushijima can't stop panicking as he watches the doctor and nurses try to to revive his lover. He prays for Tendou's recovery, for the flat line to start becoming a jagged one once more.

"CAN'T YOU MAKE HIS HEART BEAT AGAIN?! ARE YOU EVEN DOING YOUR JOB?!" Semi yells at the medical staff, who are still working on Tendou. 

 _One minute_. Ushijima starts yelling as well, praying hard in his mind.

 _Two minutes_. Ushijima opts to pray more and stop yelling. Semi still continues his rant at the staff.

 _Three minutes_. Ushijima feels the warm descent of tears down his face as he looks at the monitor. The staff shake their heads.

The line stays flat.

Ushijima Wakatoshi has just lost the one person he loves the most.

* * *

 Ushijima can't look at her directly in the eye, opting to keep his head down and admire the floor. If Tendou hadn't gone to visit him that day, he wouldn't have crashed. He wouldn't have gotten in a coma. He wouldn't have... left. Ushijima wishes that she wouldn't be angry, but a part of him also wants the opposite.

"Wakatoshi-kun, don't blame yourself," her voice, as soothing as ever, tells him. He looks up and tries to meet her eyes, but he fails. She cups his cheeks and says, "You're the one my Satori loved-"

"Loves," he suddenly cuts her. She gave him a confused look. He explains, "Please don't use the past."

She understands.

"You're the one my son loves more than anything. You're the one who makes my son the happiest person on Earth. You're the one that gives him what he needs the most in times of need: confidence, love, support. I don't blame you for Satori's death."

Ushijima cries.

* * *

A month has already passed after Tendou's funeral. Ushijima is still as depressed as ever, even after Tendou's mom had told him it wasn't his fault. He still can't get over his lover's death. He had never said his goodbyes. 

He can still remember vividly the last time they talked: it was over the phone, and Tendou's last words were for him. 

Tendou's last words were for them to meet again.

Ushijima stops in front of his grave and lays the flowers he got for him before sitting down on the grass.

"Satori," he says, even though he knows he will not hear him again.

"I miss you so much," he speaks once more, his voice cracking.

"I want to see you again. I want to hug you again. I want to kiss you again. I want to be with you. I want to feel your warmth," he says as he caresses the name engraved on the tombstone.

"I love you. I still love you."

* * *

"Ushijima-san, I don't think Tendou-san will like seeing you like this," Shirabu comments on Ushijima's current state, it being his turn to check on Shiratorizawa's former ace. "Pardon my choice of words but you seriously look like shit."

"I don't care if I look like shit."

A sigh escapes from Shirabu.

"Ushijima-san, he'll feel worse there if you're like that. Let him rest in peace."

"I can't. I love him too much to completely let go."

"You have to, if you really love him. Tendou-san won't like it if you're sad."

"Shirabu, leave," Ushijima commands, his junior's words have hit him where it hurts the most. Shirabu leaves.

* * *

A knock on the door makes Ushijima snap out of his trance as he stares at picture of him with Tendou. He opens the door to see Reon.

"Leave me alone, please."

Reon understands the tone of Ushijima's voice and leaves, but not before saying, "Tendou will be happier if you let him go."

* * *

The same happens with Semi, but instead of respecting his wishes, Semi barges into his house and grabs him by the collar.

"Look, we're doing our best to help you, and not just you, but also  _Satori_! You of all people know how he'll feel if his boyfriend fucks up his life because of him! Satori's already gone, Wakatoshi. Let him rest," Semi yells at the top of his lungs. Ushijima just listens.

"Are you even listening? Go there already and tell him you've let him go. As much as everyone hates it, life is just fucking full of goodbyes and you have to carry on no matter how shitty you feel!"

"I can't let him go."

"It's not that! It's because you  _don't_ want to let him go, Wakatoshi! You can, but you don't want. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for Satori."

"Please stop."

"What kind of person are you to not let someone rest already?! You're his lover, for fuck's sake!"

"Please stop."

"Wakatoshi, do you really love him?"

"STOP IT SEMI!" Ushijima says, unable to handle it anymore. "I love him," he says as tears drip down from his eyes. "I love him, Semi. I still love him. But I can't let him go."

Semi's gaze softens. He puts a hand on the taller man's shoulder, saying, "Please, Wakatoshi. Please let him go. I'm not asking you to forget him - he's still in our hearts, but let him go. Please, just do one last thing for him."

Ushijima grimaces at the thought, but he says, "Give me a little more time. I'll let him go."

* * *

A year after Tendou's funeral, Ushijima sits down on the grass in front of Tendou's grave, laying flowers for him once more.

"Satori, I'm here again," he starts. "I'm sorry about the state I was in after you left. I'm sorry for not accepting it, and not letting you go."

Inhale. Exhale.

"I'm in a much better state now. I've been participating as the ace of Japan's national men's volleyball team, and we've won the world championship. Semi, Reon, the rest of the team, they came to watch me. I know you were also watching me."

Inhale. Exhale.

"All of my achievements are dedicated to you, Satori."

Ushijima remains silent for a minute.

"I-I..." he said, barely choking it out as his tears start to fall. "G-G..."

More tears. Inhale. Exhale.

"G-G..."

"I..."

"G-Goodbye..."

Ushijima can no longer see clearly.

"Goodbye, my beloved Satori."

It feels like a weight is gone from his chest, even though his tears won't stop.

"I loved you, I still love you, and I still will."

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
